It was his prized possession. When he was tired he would run over to his crib and pull it through the bars. He would climb up on my lap in the rocking chair and snuggle that blanket to read a book and settle in for sleep with his bop (pacifier). I had to wash it. Believe me, I didn’t want to, but it was getting pretty gross. I’m sad. His smell has long since vanished, but now I know that I’ve washed away his touch. You never lose someone all at once, but rather in pieces. I knew this. Doesn’t make it any easier.
Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows 
:-*( I know it’s of little consolation, but my son is also extremely attached to his blankie. We had to buy two of the same one so that he always had one in case one went missing or something. I know what a big part of a little boy’s life that, that blankie is. Bennie is still in there with you, whether the physical stains are there or not. That blanket will always give you the warm feeling of him being in your arms in the rocker. It will always remind you of how his little eyes fluttered when he fell asleep. It will remind you of the enormous comfort and security that it brought to him night after night when he was in your arms. No amount of detergent can wash those things away. When you are at your emptiest, hold it close. Maybe it’s his way of comforting you now.
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Beautifully put, thanks Katie.
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And I’m sorry, I mean Benny, not Bennie. My nephew is also a Benny and I do that all the time and I hate it. I’m sorry.
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What a beautiful boy. Thank you for following the Journeys Through Grief Newsletters.
Peggy Sweeney, Editor
peggy@sweeneyalliance.org
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I have a Benny’s Blanket also, the one he shared with me. The first thing I clung too on that Friday night and it’s been in my bed ever since. Oh, I hated when his smell was gone but it has brought me such comfort, and dried lots of tears in the darkness. It probably could use a washing – it has been a long hot summer for this OLD lady – night sweats are NO fun! Thanks for calling on Tuesday – sorry for laughing (I heard Darcy as why I laughed), I had to laugh or I would have cried. I miss my Benny Boo. XOOOOO
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To think that I was just pregnant with the little guy at your 50th, we found out on our 5 year anniversary. Darcy’s therapist asked her today if she laughs sometimes when she feels like she wants to cry, I felt like she was talking to me. Maybe that’s why we’re such good friends.
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You describe him so well, I can imagine him and feel like I knew him. You’re a great momma.
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Thanks Tara. Look for the sunflowers the next time you’re at your mom’s, they’re unreal. Amazing how every single one is facing my dining room window.
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I was on the phone with her today…she actually brought up how gorgeous they are. We will probably be by this weekend, and I’m guessing I can’t miss them! That’s interesting about the dining room window…but I’m sure you’re not surprised!
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