I recieved a call today from our midwife that all of our tests have come back perfect for Baby Roaf. As of today, little less than 20 weeks, he is healthy. For months I have been blogging in the background about the excitement and terror of going down this road again. Making the decision to have another was not something that Parker and I took lightly.
This has been a tough road to get to this 20 weeks. Back in September we suffered another loss, an early miscarriage. It didn’t feel right from the beginning and I just convinced myself that I was being paranoid, that we had suffered enough. I was devastated to find that I was right and we lost ot only a baby, but the hope and excitement that we had for the future, yet again. It was probably the worst I’ve felt since losing Benny. It felt so unfair.
We became pregnant again right after and went through a roller coaster as they said this one didn’t look viable either based on early numbers. Well, they were wrong. We soon found out it was another boy, but I couldn’t begin to describe how that feels. A mixture of joy and terror.
It is also with a mixture of joy and terror that I share this news. While we are excited, I am also tremendously scared of what the future holds and what this means for me emotionally. What I have now is hope though and I’m holding onto that tightly.
I will back post the blogs that I have been writing for the last 20 weeks in time. There’s so much Benny involved in this recent pregnancy, it’s crazy.