Friends of ours offered us 4 tickets to see Disney on Ice this afternoon.  I somewhat chuckled to myself as I pictured the shitshow that would ensue if we brought Fletch.  I texted said friend and she told me to have Darcy invite a friend instead.

So off we went to enjoy the show.  I was a little worried that the third grade girls might be ‘too cool’ for this whole thing, but soon enough we were all belting out Let it Go with Elsa!  I was so happy!

Then I started thinking.  This was probably it, the last time I would go to Disney on Ice because Darcy wanted to go.  She’s growing up too fast and I can’t stomach it, but at the same time I love it.

We watched the little boys in front of us rocking out and going wild for Buzz Lightyear and it hit me that that fourth ticket could have been for Benny.  He would have been 4.5, such a great age for the show.  He would have loved it.  He should have been there.  He should be here.

Nearly 3 years.  So much time gone, so much he missed.  He would be so old now, already in Pre K.  He would be a big brother.  He would be a middle child.  Lot’s of ‘would.’

I don’t give in to feeling sorry for us very often, but this sucks.  Today’s realization sucked.  He’s been gone nearly double the time that he was here and I can’t stand it.  I shouldn’t have to.

Lot’s of ‘-un’s’ come to mind; unfair, unreal, unbelievable.  The worst is undeniable because try as I might I cannot pretend that he isn’t gone or that he never existed.  Because he was here and he was our Benny Bear.  And I was so damn lucky that he was mine.

Author: sheriroaf

Sheri Roaf is the mother of four wonderful children who turned to blogging after her 17 month old son Bennett passed away unexpectedly. Through her writing she has found a way to help herself and her family move forward in the face of tragedy.

3 thoughts on “Disney”

  1. Crying here as I read your blog Sheryl. I just want to reach out and hug you . You Parker Darcy and Fletcher are in my heart tomorrow 11/8 I believe is when Bennett went to heaven. Love you all so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think I had a lot more to say before I knew you better. Now, each time I go to type a comment, I’m sort of stuck. “It sucks” pretty much sums it up. We’re here for you all.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows

'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.'

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Wise & Shine

A community for writers & readers

Rain Coast Review

Thoughts on life... by Donald B. Wilson

My Grief Talks

Through tears and laughter, in whispers and screams from my shattered heart - to the words on this page and into my art - as I search for calm


Emotional musings

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching

Dr. Eric Perry’s Blog

Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

Sprout Splice

Root Transplant Repeat

%d bloggers like this: