No Words

I have no words, but so much to say. I started to see signs this summer. Lots and lots of them. From ALL of my dead people. And I thought, oh shit. Strap in. Because shits about to get real. And it did. And it hasn’t stopped.

I’m feeling stuck in fight or flight mode. Like I’m frozen here just waiting, waiting for something else. The next bad thing. And I’m exhausted. I just want peace, but shit keeps happening. Over and over. I’m stuck on this merry go round and I can’t find my way off.

I feel tense and ready for the next thing. Because just when it calms down, just when I think for the moment that I can settle and rest, something else happens. Such is life I suppose? I just wish life would feel a little less like surviving and a little more living.

I have a lot to unpack. Because when I don’t write, when I don’t get it out and let it go, it bottles up inside of me. Life is busy, this is true, but I need to release this crap before it eats me up.

And it’s not lost on me that we are headed smack dab into year 10. So maybe this fight or flight feeling will just be here for a bit. In anticipation of the inevitable November 8th.