It has been a hot minute. Or month. Or few months. I’m not sure. It’s just been a lot lately. Our lives have been very busy. Our work has been very hectic. We’ve been sick. There have been some very terrible individuals bringing us down. And I’ve felt all of it.
I’ve been feeling disconnected lately. I’ve been so hyper focused on trying to fix this ridiculous string of events at work. It has been all that I can deal with right now because as soon as one thing is cleaned up, another problem arises. I feel like the Little Dutch boy plugging the holes in the well. But I’ve run out of fingers and toes. And it’s all consuming.
So I went to a Support Group Meeting tonight at Hope Lives Here. I was supposed to be co-leading, however I needed this meeting and this reminder. I needed to be in a room where I could feel love. I needed to remember that the worst thing that could happen already has. I have survived loss multiple times and still managed to breathe and live my life every day. I needed to refocus my energy.
This work stuff is just secondary. These terrible people are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I was allowing them to bring me down and pull my focus off of what is truly important in this life. I was in that room for 15 minutes when I realized that being there was vital. Sharing my truth and vulnerability with others and making connections is what keeps me whole. Being a part of that group helps to keep me grounded and sane. And I wasn’t feeling very sane when I walked through that door.
So I made the decision to block some people and move on with my life. I am actively working to close out this work project and take a breather. I am learning that I have power over how I react. Which is REALLY hard for me. Because I run hot. But tonight was a reminder that not everything deserves my temper, my attention or my energy. I can choose where I give that as well.
What’s crazy to me is that I even need this reminder. I’ve been at rock bottom and this is not it. This is just a speed bump that I let suck me in. And it probably won’t be the last one at that. All I can do is look at it for what it is and hope it will serve as a reminder in the future. And I need to keep connecting with my people. My heart and soul can feel when it’s been too long.