Day 10 – A Space Reimagined
This is supposed to be about creating a space to devote to your lost loved one. This one is really tough for me right now. It’s like Benny is in the ‘in between’ now because his stuff is mostly packed away. Sure thereare pictures of him on the wall, but there’s no space dedicated to him like we had in the old house. He had a shelf in the dining room and in essence, he shared a room with Fletcher. Now I have letters that spell his name with no home. There’s no place to put them here and I’m not sure where we will put them once we land somewhere final. I’m lost as to what to do with this. At the old house we still had his room, there was a sense of belonging. Now things are just so temporary, none of us have that. Renting right now and not being able to be settled is tough, especially around his anniversary. It will be interesting to see what we come up with once we’re settled somewhere.
Day 11 – Life is Short
You’re supposed to take some time to remember how short life is and make sure to tell those you love how imporant they are. Even with one of the toughest lessons in loss, I forget this some days. I get so caught up in the chaos and minutia. It’s sad really. None of that is important at all. What matters is that others know how much you care for them. This whole exercise is turning into looking at how I live my life and what changes I need to make. There’s always room for improvement.
Day 13 – Student of Life
Simply put, I’m supposed to learn something new. Darcy had a school project to make a scrapbook for the state of NJ. Right up my alley! I love anything creative, crafty and colorful. We set about researching the project and printing out pictures. I did truly learn a lot that I didn’t know.
When it came time to do the actual scrapbook, that’s when it got complicated. I have a background in design and an obsession with perfection. I tried to tell Darcy several times that she had too much going on on her pages and she needed to let the pictures tell the story. After we went back and forth several times, she finally looked at me and said, ‘Mom, it’s my project, and I really like it this way. We really just have different opinions’. Yep, that moment when your child is more mature than you.
She was telling me nicely to back off. I forget sometimes that she is just 8 (especially when she handles herself like this). I have to stop being a perfectionist and just let her be a kid. She is her own person and I need to respect that. Raising humans is damn hard!