Our Last First


Yesterday was our last first. The last holiday that would be our first without Benny.

It was hard to see the little ones walking door to door as our big one raced around the neighborhood. Thank god for Lyla and her too big box. She needed a hand to hold to walk up the steps. We got to help a little one. Maybe that’s why it didn’t hurt so much.

It’s contagious when the kiddos are that excited. No matter how bad you feel, it’s hard not to get excited with them. It’s hard to stay sad.

We made it through a year of firsts. Where did the year go? How did we get back here so quickly? How did we keep going?!?!

I cannot believe it.

Author: sheriroaf

Sheri Roaf is the mother of four wonderful children who turned to blogging after her 17 month old son Bennett passed away unexpectedly. Through her writing she has found a way to help herself and her family move forward in the face of tragedy.

4 thoughts on “Our Last First”

  1. Cheryl, Parker and Darcy,
    I just happened to find this blog today after thinking about how it was a year ago, last night, that I first and last saw Bennett the Engineer, as well as Darcy the Princess (if I recall correctly?) and Parker. You were all trick or treating down Bjorklund, where I was helping to pass out candy. That was my first time meeting your beautiful children, and first time chatting with Parker after some time. He did some mechanical work in previous years for my dads antique cars and trucks. He always talked about you and Darcy. Bennett was on the way, last I had seen Parker.

    I will never forget Halloween 2013 because of Benny. Such a bright face, even in the overcast and wind that was taking over the night. I simply could not believe the news that we would all soon hear, barely a week later. I wish I said something sooner, but I could never even begin to imagine what your family has endured, nor could I ever find the right words to say at that point. I’m glad to see this blog and look forward to reading through. So far, I’ve only managed to read the first and last entry. Much love and continued support from myself and my family.

    Joey T


  2. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I love the pictures of Benny from last Halloween. It was fun watching him attempt trick-or-treating. I remember that night clearly as it was our last time with the little guy. Thinking of you guys a lot this week. We love you! And thanks for assisting with Lego Lyla last night.


  3. Aww. In most of the pictures you’ve shared I usually think that Benny looks a lot like Parker but in this photo of him in the wagon, he looks exactly like you. To see him, a perfect little boy all dressed up in his conductor outfit in one picture and then his little hat hanging on a pumpkin in the very next one is mind boggling. They say a picture is worth a thousand word, but this leaves me speechless. I’m glad you were able to feel the magic of the day, it’s hard not to when you see the kids so happy. Halloween is all about the little ones and I think Benny was walking right along with you guys and that’s why you were able to feel some joy. Precious photos, thank you for sharing.


  4. I remember that last Halloween so vividly. Benny running into the house and chasing our cats. I told Parker either he was taking a car home or we would have to keep Benny here! Such a sweet memory to have, and one I know I’ll cherish always. We love you guys.


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