Ever have one of those days where your support system bails for whatever reason? Maybe they’re sick, perhaps busy. Whatever the case is, they’re not there. And you’re all alone. Overwhelmed. Slowly going crazy. Maybe they’re right next to you and just completely clueless.
I’m in one of my moods where I just want to hop in my car and drive. I don’t necessarily have a destination in mind, but just want to get away by myself. Feel the wind in my hair and sing along with the radio.
I want to feel connected to something. I want to be able to feel something beyond crazed and harried. I would love to take a deep breath and feel silence around me. I want to step off the perpetual roller coaster that has become my life.
I want to sit down and think. I want to wrap my mind around Benny and his life and marinate in that for awhile. I want to pay him some much deserved attention and spend some time with him.
I want to hold my daughter like she hasn’t been held in what seems like too long. I want to snuggle her and breathe in her scent and memorize every detail of her smile.
It would be so nice to have all the time to just sit and play with Fletch. I wish that I could devote hours to reading and ball and floor play. I wish I had more patience when he pushes me just over the edge like he does so well.
What I wouldn’t give for some sleep. In a bed. By myself. I’m not greedy, a four hour stretch will do. To be asleep before 3 AM would be a dream.
I know it’s just a moment in time right now. This too shall pass and things will calm down. But just for a moment to dream…
Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows 
You’re never alone, my beastie. Never. Take that drive this week. Or go for a walk (the wind still blows in your hair!). But know that you’re never truly alone. Besides having fabulous me and countless other people who love you, Bennett is always there (as we both know!). All my love! XOXOXOXOX
🌻💙🌻💙
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One of the hardest things about being a parent I’ve found is finding time to keep yourself sane without letting precious moments with our quickly growing children slip away. I was just reading the blog of one of my all-time favorite writers.. I’ve often thought you might like her.. not sure why this old post popped up when I was looking for her blog, but it’s pretty relevant!
http://www.katrinakenison.com/2013/02/02/guideposts/
On another note, I have so much respect for you, of course, and for your friends. I saw everyone at your house the other night, I watched as all of these people were celebrating a happy time with you, watching their children play and laugh as a wind chime spelling “Bennett” quietly dangled above. I can only hope that if I ever had to weather such a storm, that I’d have at least one friend in my corner the way all of yours were, and still are. It is like you can see in their eyes that they have all been through something only you and they will ever fully understand, similar in my mind to what war veterans might feel upon seeing each other. And I’m sure that even with all of their (our) support, you definitely have moments that you feel so alone.. you’re the Mom.. no one will ever feel for your children exactly the way you do. Take that drive!
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