Friends of ours offered us 4 tickets to see Disney on Ice this afternoon. I somewhat chuckled to myself as I pictured the shitshow that would ensue if we brought Fletch. I texted said friend and she told me to have Darcy invite a friend instead.
So off we went to enjoy the show. I was a little worried that the third grade girls might be ‘too cool’ for this whole thing, but soon enough we were all belting out Let it Go with Elsa! I was so happy!
Then I started thinking. This was probably it, the last time I would go to Disney on Ice because Darcy wanted to go. She’s growing up too fast and I can’t stomach it, but at the same time I love it.
We watched the little boys in front of us rocking out and going wild for Buzz Lightyear and it hit me that that fourth ticket could have been for Benny. He would have been 4.5, such a great age for the show. He would have loved it. He should have been there. He should be here.
Nearly 3 years. So much time gone, so much he missed. He would be so old now, already in Pre K. He would be a big brother. He would be a middle child. Lot’s of ‘would.’
I don’t give in to feeling sorry for us very often, but this sucks. Today’s realization sucked. He’s been gone nearly double the time that he was here and I can’t stand it. I shouldn’t have to.
Lot’s of ‘-un’s’ come to mind; unfair, unreal, unbelievable. The worst is undeniable because try as I might I cannot pretend that he isn’t gone or that he never existed. Because he was here and he was our Benny Bear. And I was so damn lucky that he was mine.