Double Rainbow

After much angst and waiting, Perry Jane finally made her way into the world on 8/11.  Just another sign.  Benny passed on 11/8.  Also a Friday.  At about the same time she was born.  It feels like life is trying to give back sometimes.

I am amazed every time at the heart’s capacity to grow to love another child so instantly.  I am so head over heels for this little lady.

She is the opposite of Fletch.  She exudes peace and calm.  There is so much tranquility wrapped up in her little body.  Will she stay like this forever?  Probably not.  I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

I keep telling Parker that we have one that looks like Benny and now we have one that has his personality.  She reminds me so much of how Benny was as a baby.  He didn’t cry for 6 months, just made noises to let you know he needed something.  There was this amazing calmness about him.  He was the complete opposite of me and I loved it.

Another baby loss mama said to me once that I would get to enjoy this child.  That I needed Fletch, but that I would get to enjoy Perry.  There’s probably some truth to that, even though I hate to admit it.  Maybe it was because I was so busy this pregnancy, but I wasn’t as terrified.  I didn’t feel like I was waiting for something to go wrong as much as I did with Fletch.  I didn’t have as much anxiety.

That’s not to say that the next 18 months won’t teriffy me.  I’m sure it will be the same roller coaster that we were on with Fletch as we wait to pass the imaginary line when she will be older than her big brother.

He will always be a part of them.  I will likely spend the rest of my life looking for pieces of him in them.  It’s how he will live on for me.  It’s awful and amazing all at once.

Here we go again.  Hoping and trusting in the Universe.  Looking forward with open hearts while we remember the past.  Just doing our best.


Author: sheriroaf

Sheri Roaf is the mother of four wonderful children who turned to blogging after her 17 month old son Bennett passed away unexpectedly. Through her writing she has found a way to help herself and her family move forward in the face of tragedy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows

'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.'

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Wise & Shine

A community for writers & readers

Rain Coast Review

Thoughts on life... by Donald B. Wilson

My Grief Talks

Through tears and laughter, in whispers and screams from my shattered heart - to the words on this page and into my art - as I search for calm

Emotional musings

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching

Dr. Eric Perry’s Blog

Motivate | Inspire | Uplift

Sprout Splice

Root Transplant Repeat

%d bloggers like this: