I Finished A Book

This may seem silly or trite to some, but last week I read a book. A whole entire book. From start to finish. I even read the novella that followed.

Yes, it was a book that I’ve read before and yes, I was technically on vacation. But I did it! I actually read an ENTIRE book!

This is a huge deal for me. Since Benny died four and a half years ago, I haven’t been able to finish a book. At all. Which is a big deal because I used to be an avid reader. I would stay awake until the wee hours of the morning following some characters on a journey. I have always loved to read.

It’s killed me. I have not been able to finish a book. I would start, but not be able to finish anything. My nook account has been collecting dust instead of new titles. I now troll Facebook or Pinterest until I’m sleepy.

I don’t have seem to have the focus to be able to read. I don’t have the follow through to be able to finish what I’ve started. I’m distracted. All of the time. I’m on edge.

It makes me mad when I start to think about all of the other things that I’ve lost through grief. Friends, family members, peace of mind. It’s amazing how much it has shaped my life and who I have become. I’ve lost so much of my former self.

This made me happy. Gave me a glimpse of something possible. Even if it’s the only book I read all year. I still read a book.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “I Finished A Book”

  1. Hi, I just came across your blog after reading your article on Scary Mommy. I just wanted to comment here because I too read an entire book while on vacation the same week as you! I had an ectopic pregnancy in January 2017 and have not been able to read a book since then. It felt like the hugest deal to finally read and enjoy an entire book! So, I can totally relate to what you’re writing here and I so appreciate it as I don’t know anyone who’s struggled to read books after a loss. (And I also scroll through Facebook until I fall asleep.) Glad to know I’m not alone. ❤️ And yay for us! We read a book! 🙌

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  2. Yay for us!! I’m sorry to hear about your loss. And your secondary loss of reading. It’s crazy, never thought I would lose something that I loved to do and spent so much time on. I used to devour books! I’m happy to say that I’m book number 3 of a series since. I’ve found it easier to read stuff I’ve previously enjoyed. It’s easier for me to know what happens and lends me some control over the unknown. Baby steps my friend. Best wishes!

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