NO, it doesn’t get easier!

I wanted to share this from a fellow blogger. It’s as if she’s reading my mind.

Broken Mothers Club

I am now, as of 3:30 today, seven months into what a fellow blogger calls devastation day. I have always just called it “that day” or the day my son “left us”. Her way of saying it seems the most fitting lately. I feel like a nuclear bomb went off inside me that day and I will never be the same, ever.

For seven months now, people have been saying will get easier. It will get better. The pain will seem to slowly ease. Well, guess what? It doesn’t! At least not for me. People keep saying how strong I am and how I have just “picked myself up by the bootstraps and kept going.” No, as I have said before, I am an expert faker. I can smile to your face and scream and cry on the inside.

Wanna know the real harsh truth. Seven months in and it…

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2 thoughts on “NO, it doesn’t get easier!”

  1. Sheri, These heartbreaking words are so true…especially for those of us who have traveled this horrible road for months and years. Eventually there will be a point where the pain is not consuming our every waking moment and the heaviness won’t feel like a ton of bricks have fallen on us. The pain, grief, despair, anxiety, guilt, anger, sadness, and all the other emotions – do start to lessen bit by bit, but it is a VERY slow process and unfortunately it takes years, and not months. There are times when it feels like this horrible pain will never lessen. It’s during these times that we can ask our child to help us. Also, looking to those who are ahead of us on this terrible journey that no parent ever wants to be on, can help give us hope for the future. We do survive – that’s what we do for years with all that faking – but some day we will embrace life again- it takes years… NO, we will NEVER be the same person we were before. How can we be? We have lost a part of our heart that was ripped out so suddenly.. We will always have this hole in our heart and the horrible pain with it, , but eventually the edges of the hole get softer as the love of our child fills that hole. Every feeling and emotion that we feel during this time is what we need to process the truth of what has happened. Patience is what we need with ourselves, and hopefully our support system has a lot of patience too.
    Peace, Sue (Missing my precious son Ryan for 9 years and 5 days…)

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    1. Sue, we are so lucky that you’re in our lives. It was kismet that Cara happened to be jogging by on November 8th. It has helped tremendously having you to lean on and I don’t know if I say it enough, but thank you.

      Like

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