I have not been able to read any books on grieving or grief, or child loss. The thought of reading an edited version of peoples feelings just doesn’t appeal to me. Perhaps it makes it too real, puts my loss into a category that I’m not yet prepared to face.
I read blogs, lot’s of them. I’ve connected with many other moms that have walked in my shoes. I could spend days reading through how they have dealt with different situations. I have ‘met’ many other moms in my journey, women that bear the same scars as I. I have entered a community of women that have held my hand and understand what I am going through.
When I began blogging, it was a way for me to let things out, I had never intended to actually share any of it. When I finally did, it felt freeing. In those first days, I started to receive comments and likes from other moms. This opened my eyes to this whole group of women and men who were going through what we’ve been through. All of a sudden, I wasn’t alone in my anger, my sorrow. It was ‘ok’ to feel how I was feeling. It was amazing reading how eloquently others could put my feelings into words.
So, in the wake of Benny’s death, books are out. I’ve tried reading some novels just for fun, but I have a hard time focusing and most of the time I’m not able to finish them. Instead I spend hours reading through grief blogs, soaking up other’s experiences and advice. The connection that I feel to these people has helped me in so many ways. I honestly feel lucky to have this in my life, which is ironic, because if you asked me, I would say that luck left our lives a long time ago. Thank you to my fellow bloggers.