Day 14 – Dark/Light

‘It’s always darkest before the dawn
when your world is weary,
when all is dark,
when dreams die and fade away,
and all of life is stark.’

I’m waiting for the dawn.  I know it’s there, somewhere out a few years or decades even.  I wish nothing else but to be there now, to know the journey that I’m on and be on the other side.  Who will I end up becoming?

I have hope that there is light in our future.  I have to, or I wouldn’t be able to get up and face each new day.  The dark can consume you and there are days when it does just that.  I don’t want to leave the house, or get dressed or shower.  I want to wallow, surround myself in it and waste away the day.  I want to wear it like a cloak, because sometimes I just need it.  I need it so badly to hold onto what I’ve lost.

It reminds me to of the light, of the good days.  There are days filled with such happiness and love that I would think, even in my situation, that I am very blessed.  The light is my daughter, my husband, my friends and my family.  The light is having the ability to look at life on such days with open eyes and see what an unbelievable gift it is.  The light is my memories, even though I’ve lost my son, I will forever have them to treasure.

I’ve spent the last 11 months jumping from light to dark.  It’s part of the process I suppose.  I look forward to a time in my life when the light outweighs the dark.  I know it’s coming and I’ve no choice but to continue forward until I reach it.

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2 thoughts on “Day 14 – Dark/Light”

  1. Can’t stop thinking about you and your family today. I heard there were news helicopters in the air today over our neighborhood because of the bomb threat last night at Assumption. Reminded me of that horrible day. Thinking of you and praying for you often as the 1 year anniversary nears… Angela Bazydlo

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    1. Thank you Angela. Good thing I was busy today, I must have missed it. I can’t believe that it’s already October and we’re inching closer to November 8th each day. It still seems surreal to me that it even happened, never mind almost a year ago. It feels like a lifetime ago and a minute ago all at the same time.

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