Ok, so I’m starting off this year’s ‘Capture Your Grief’ late. I’m exhausted, having just walked 60+ miles in Philly and then hopped in the car to arrive home and deal with 2 kiddos alone in the middle of the night. Parker is still down in Philly for some car stuff for the week. If things seem disjointed, bitchy or all over the place, this week, you’ll kniw it’s because I’m holding down the fort alone this week. But I digress.
This is supposed to be a photo exercise, but I found the topics lend themselves to writing as well. When I’m done, I want to go back and see this years CYG against last years. How have I grown? Where do I seem stuck? Grief is a process.
CYG-Day 1: Sunrise
Day 1 is supposed to be a sunrise picture. I never would have taken one before because I was not a morning person. Over the last few weeks I’ve been carving out ‘me time’ early in the morning to get some training walks in. I thought I would hate it, boy was I wrong! I love being able to get outside and plan my day in my head before anyone else in the house is even awake. I feel so spoiled having that time to myself first thing in the day. I’m enjoying the fresh air and how it helps me to sleep better at night. So, no, I do not have a sunrise picture per se, but more of a daily sunrise exercise/meditation to start my day off right.
CYG-Day 2: Intention
This is a tough one for me to answer because there is always so much that I want to do and never enough time. So here’s a list to try to simplify. I intend to honor Bennett’s memory by:
-Continuing to work with The Greg Hill Foundation to raise money for other families affected by tragedy
-Loving my husband, even when I don’t want to (just trying to be honest here)
-Spending more time playing with my children and less time doing housework, using cell, etc.
-Continuing to talk about Bennett with family and friends
-Trying to be a more patient and kind person. I’ve spent too much time caring what others think and sweating the small stuff.
Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows 
I can’t believe it has already been a year since you did this. I bet it must feel like a lifetime for you, a lot has happened! At the same time, it seems like just yesterday that this all happened I’m sure. I dread this time of year for you but every time I see a little boy in a train conductor hat, I think of Benny’s little face in that picture and how you now hang that hat on his pumpkin. Really sad paradox, but the sweetest possible tribute. I love that you continue to honor him every day. Even though I didn’t know him personally, I try to honor him too. I think about what songs and movies he’d like. If they’d be the same as Aiden’s, etc. I picture him blowing out his birthday candles. He’s alive in the memories of people who never even knew him. You’re an amazing mom for continuing to be the mother of three kids, not just the two that are physically here. You love and protect his memory every day, that’s something a mom does, that never stops. I admire your honesty (there are days many people don’t want to love their husbands, nevermind with this type of hurdle to navigate through). I hope you’re all adjusting to life with Fletch and he’s providing you with some much deserved smiles and joy. Mostly, I give you credit for getting up early. Madeline is still waking every 2 hours!!! You kids are so lucky to have you as their mommy. ❤
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Oh Katie, thank you for continuing to pay tribute to our little guy! There are people that we were close with before the accident that STILL cannot do this. It’s the people that we’ve met since that have been amazing, so thanks! I cannot believe that it has been a year since I started the CYG, and almost a year to his anniversary. So much has changed and so much hasn’t. I’m curious to see the difference a year makes. I think the worst part is that every day that passes is another day further from when I last held him. Fletch is amazing, a handful, but a good little guy. Hang in there, Darcy was just like Madeline, it was a tough start, but she became a great little sleeper in time. I’m sending sleepy dust her way!
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Katie is so right. Bennett IS alive in the memories of people who never knew him! I’ve told you about Phillip.. and we just tend to think of him now and then.
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