CYG – Day 22

CYG – Day 22:  Dreams + Rituals

Do I dream about Benny?  It’s been awhile.  I wish I could dream about him more often.  He was the one that told us about Fletch.  Both Parker and I had a Benny dream and knew instantly that we were pregnant and that it was a boy, before I ever took a pregnancy test.

I wish that I could hold him in my dreams.  I would never want to wake up, but remain in dreamland, but that’s not reality.

For Benny’s birthday we gather at the cemetary to remember.  We go for a walk around the neighborhood where he grew up and we release balloons.  It’s turned into a day of celebration.  We get to remember who he was and how many lives he touched in those hort 18 months.

The anniversary of his death is somewhat different.  We head to the cemetary with Tara and Chris and the kids and then we head out of town.  I cannot celebrate that day, nor do I want to remember it.  I’d rather not be near the house either.  It just feels better being somewhere else for a few days.