It’s the most wonderful time of the year. For most. Well, maybe not really most. For some? If there’s one thing that grief has taught me, it’s that no one is immune. Chances are, everyone is missing someone this season. And that makes it hard.
It’s hard to get into the spirit with a hole in your heart. It’s hard to feel jolly if you’re feeling lonely and sad. You just don’t want to do all of the holiday things that you used to.
Six years later and I refuse to send Christmas cards. I cannot bring myself to send out a family picture without Benny, or sign a card without his name. Now I know there are ways around this. I could sign the card with ‘ The Roaf Family,’ or I can have us hold up a picture of Benny in our picture. Here’s the thing though, I don’t want to.
Maybe it’s my way of saying ‘it’s still not ok.’ Because all these years later, it really, truly isn’t. My husband has tried to push me each year to send out cards, even generic ones and I honestly just don’t want to. It was something that I enjoyed when my family was whole. My family will never be whole again.
So if you don’t receive a Christmas card from us, please don’t take it personally. It’s just one of those things now that I cannot deal with. If you’re reading this, you’re on the list in my head of people that we are thankful to have in our lives. And we love you lots. And we hope that you have an amazing holiday season. ♥️