I’ve never been so happy to see 12:01 in my life. It means that we made it, that we survived yet another heartbreaking milestone in Bennett’s death. We should not be measuring time by survival. I shouldn’t have to wail in pain to the Universe about how unfair this all is. Our lives should not have to be defined by his death.
Most days it’s enough that he was here. Most days I can smile and take joy from my daughters life and my husbands antics. Not at this moment. I welcome the numbness as a way to get through. I welcome the day to day tasks that I use as a way to escape. It still seems unreal, so awfully horrific. Like watching a movie, or living someone else’s life. Why did this happen?