To the little man that stole my heart

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I never expected a boy, never even entertained the idea that I would have a son.  What was I going to do with a boy?  When Benny was born, Parker cried.  He didn’t cry when Darcy was born, then I got it.  That was what I was going to do with a boy, make a man.

He was so different from Darcy.  He was so rough, so crazy, so confident in everything he did.  He was all boy.  He challenged me as a parent in many different ways than Darcy did, instead of the theatrics, I was constantyly chasing him, pulling him off of things.  Benny was exhausting to parent, but I always had a smile on my face because he was so funny and engaging.

I got it.  I understood how Darcy wound Parker around her finger.  Benny had me, I was lost.  It was hard to get angry at that smile or not loose yourself in those dimples.  I found myself letting him get away with things that Darcy never would have.  He was my baby and my boy.  I hate that I’ve lost that.  I don’t understand why I didn’t get to keep him.  Why him?  Why us?

He loosened me up as a parent, taught me to pick my battles.  He was so interested in figuring things out.  He was climbing up and sliding on his own at a little over a year.  He taught me to trust in him, to allow him to explore his world.  I’m so proud of who he was and how he changed me as a parent and a person.  I love you forever my little man.  XOXO

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