I never expected a boy, never even entertained the idea that I would have a son. What was I going to do with a boy? When Benny was born, Parker cried. He didn’t cry when Darcy was born, then I got it. That was what I was going to do with a boy, make a man.
He was so different from Darcy. He was so rough, so crazy, so confident in everything he did. He was all boy. He challenged me as a parent in many different ways than Darcy did, instead of the theatrics, I was constantyly chasing him, pulling him off of things. Benny was exhausting to parent, but I always had a smile on my face because he was so funny and engaging.
I got it. I understood how Darcy wound Parker around her finger. Benny had me, I was lost. It was hard to get angry at that smile or not loose yourself in those dimples. I found myself letting him get away with things that Darcy never would have. He was my baby and my boy. I hate that I’ve lost that. I don’t understand why I didn’t get to keep him. Why him? Why us?
He loosened me up as a parent, taught me to pick my battles. He was so interested in figuring things out. He was climbing up and sliding on his own at a little over a year. He taught me to trust in him, to allow him to explore his world. I’m so proud of who he was and how he changed me as a parent and a person. I love you forever my little man. XOXO