Rock

I was out walking with my neighbor today and we were talking about mine and Parker’s relationship.  She said to me that if anyone can pull through this, that Parker and I can.  Our therapist said we were both in a similar family situation, that has forced us to become the people that we are today, and that we are not the type that fall apart in a crisis.

I knew that when I married Parker that I was getting an independent, motivated man that loved me unconditionally and would do anything for me.  I never expected that we would be dealt the hand we got, I guess no one ever expects to loose their child.  The statistics on divorce after child loss are extremely high.  I get it, no two people  grieve the same way.  Some fall apart, some can hold it together, some just can’t deal with their spouses strength/weakness.

That first night, I saw the look on Parker’s face as reality began to set in, I will tell you I was terrified.  I thought that I had lost my Parker too.  I was thinking to myself that once again I would have to pick up the pieces of my family’s life and move us forward, alone.  That didn’t happen though.  I have not been alone one minute in my grief, Parker has stood beside me.  He has loved me on the days when I wanted to lie around and do nothing and on the days when I’m neurotic and want to tackle everything in sight.  My marriage has never been stronger and we have never been closer.

I took a lot of things for granted before the accident.  I was a hard worker at DPM, a good mother at home, but there never seemed much time left for Parker.  We were always busy, taken along by the demands of everyday life and the kids needs.  Yet when I needed  him he didn’t fall apart, he became my rock, which I am so unaccustomed to having in my life.  Parker took over and took care of me.  I don’t like to be out of control, but it felt good to not have to be on top of everything for once.

I’m one of the lucky ones.  I think deep down I always knew it, but I have a good, solid, loving husband in mine and Darcy’s life.  Could I have survived this without Parker?  Perhaps, I’m a survivor, not a victim.  I know that I wouldn’t feel this ok though.  I wouldn’t be able to smile and love with my whole self if it wasn’t for that man.  I’ve spent my whole life trying to survive and he came along and saved me.  Thank you babe.

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