‘When a parent dies, you lose your past. When a child dies, you lose your future.’. Anonymous
I just saw this on someone else’s blog. I don’t know what to say. I guess this leaves me with the present. I’d rather be anywhere than here right now, this purgatory.
I’ve never been able to live in the present. I’m a planner by nature. Loosing my mom, my past haunted me. It was always easier to look forward, predict, plan and prepare. I always knew that things could change at any given moment and I learned to roll with it, take the obstacles as they came. I remember being told I was ‘flexible.’
This present thing sucks, but the future is too scary, too unknown. I know that we have some tough decisions to make, but I don’t want to do it. What if we make the wrong ones? What if we just make things worse?
I don’t want to plan anymore. There are no guarantees, so why bother? I don’t want deadlines and I don’t want to make any more decisions. We already had to decide what to do with Benny, where to bury him, how to do it, etc. Shouldn’t we get a break? I’m just so tired…