‘When a parent dies, you lose your past. When a child dies, you lose your future.’. Anonymous
I just saw this on someone else’s blog. I don’t know what to say. I guess this leaves me with the present. I’d rather be anywhere than here right now, this purgatory.
I’ve never been able to live in the present. I’m a planner by nature. Loosing my mom, my past haunted me. It was always easier to look forward, predict, plan and prepare. I always knew that things could change at any given moment and I learned to roll with it, take the obstacles as they came. I remember being told I was ‘flexible.’
This present thing sucks, but the future is too scary, too unknown. I know that we have some tough decisions to make, but I don’t want to do it. What if we make the wrong ones? What if we just make things worse?
I don’t want to plan anymore. There are no guarantees, so why bother? I don’t want deadlines and I don’t want to make any more decisions. We already had to decide what to do with Benny, where to bury him, how to do it, etc. Shouldn’t we get a break? I’m just so tired…
One thought on “Present”
Sher, You don’t lose your future. you lost his future. He will always be forever young and alive in our hearts forever! You have done more than your share of decision making and I’m so proud of you. Give yourself a break and let life take you where it may. We are always here to support you, Parker and Darcy along the way, Love You,