Present

‘When a parent dies, you lose your past.   When a child dies, you lose your future.’. Anonymous

I just saw this on someone else’s blog.  I don’t know what to say.  I guess this leaves me with the present.  I’d rather be anywhere than here right now, this purgatory.

I’ve never been able to live in the present.  I’m a planner by nature.  Loosing my mom, my past haunted me.  It was always easier to look forward, predict, plan and prepare.  I always knew that things could change at any given moment and I learned to roll with it, take the obstacles as they came.  I remember being told I was ‘flexible.’

This present thing sucks, but the future is too scary, too unknown.  I know that we have some tough decisions to make, but I don’t want to do it.  What if we make the wrong ones?  What if we just make things worse?

I don’t want to plan anymore.  There are no guarantees, so why bother?  I don’t want deadlines and I don’t want to make any more decisions.  We already had to decide what to do with Benny, where to bury him, how to do it, etc.  Shouldn’t we get a break?  I’m just so tired…

Author: sheriroaf

Sheri Roaf is the mother of four wonderful children who turned to blogging after her 17 month old son Bennett passed away unexpectedly. Through her writing she has found a way to help herself and her family move forward in the face of tragedy. View all posts by sheriroaf