I’m sitting in the back of the motor home heading down the highway in somewhere NY. This is how we will spend the next two days until we arrive in Colorado. The air out here seems cleaner and the excitement for our upcoming adventure is tangible.
Parker and I had a couples session with our therapist yesterday and she was asking us what we were looking forward to and what our concerns were for our trip. The usual stuff came up, how we would survive in a motor home for 2 days straight with a 5 year old and a dog, how we would handle any stress, etc.
I told Parker that I felt like this is the first vacation that wasn’t a response to losing Benny. Disney was a direct reaction to his death and as much fun as it was, it was lot, really soon after the accident. I had just started feeling better physically after the holidays and Disney was a huge step for me. I was anxiety ridden before we left and made myself physically ill on the way home. I wasn’t quite ready to leave the bubble.
Storyland was also fun, but it was hard. We had brought Darcy there when she was 20 months old, so it was different to be there with a 5 year old. We received Storyland as a gift from a very generous friend of the Greg Hill Foundation. Again, it links back to the accident.
I’m not sure if I’m sad or ok about this being the first vacation about us. It definitely feels less forced, like we’re not trying to make for something that’s missing. My anxiety level over that seems much lower (over other things like packing, a fridge/freezer that doesn’t work, lack of sleep, MUCH higher!). Maybe I shouldn’t overthink it and just take it at face value. Breathe in the Rocky Mountain air and enjoy being that much closer to heaven for awhile.