We went to our first wedding since the accident in August. Weddings in general make me emotional, I’m a happy cryer. You get to witness two people pledging their life and love for one another surrounded by the support of friends and family, it doesn’t get much better.
It was a close friend’s wedding, Parker was the best man and I was doing the reading during the ceremony, so unfortunately I had to hold it together. It had been so long since I had felt so much love and happiness that I had forgotten what it felt like. It seemed like the perfect day.
Then it happened. I didn’t see it coming and I was completely taken aback, I felt as if someone had slapped me in the face. They did the mother son dance to ‘Simple Man.’ I tried very hard to hold it together, but I had to walk out of the reception. I tried to go to the bathroom to breathe, but ended up outside on a park bench sobbing. I don’t think that I’ve heard that song since the accident. It was heartbreaking. Here I was facing everything that I lost. Thank goodness for good friends that come find you when you fall apart on park benches and cry with you.
I try very hard not to dwell on what never will be. I’m afraid that if I do it will destroy me. I already feel that I’ve been robbed of my graduation, wedding, birth of my children without my mom. Rationally I know that Bennett will never grow up, but until that moment I hadn’t thought about the fact that he will never get married, he’ll never know that happiness. I’ll never get that mother son dance. Pieces of a life never lived.
Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows 