One of the bloggers that I follow is participating in the ‘Capture Your Grief’ project. This seemed like a good challenge for me as October leads right up to what another blogger likes to call ‘Devastation Day’ (thank goodness for my fellow bloggers, giving me direction every day). I’m joining this 3 days in, so I’m a little behind.
Today I’m supposed to capture my ‘before.’ I’ve often thought about how different I was before and how much I have changed. If I’m being honest, my life was crazy. Everyday I fought to spend enough time with my kiddos, get enough hours in at work, get enough hours of sleep and maybe see my husband somewhere in the middle of all that. There never seemed to be enough hours in my day, there was never ‘enough.’ I worked 30 hours, supported Parkers business, was a FT mom, fundraised for the 3 Day, loved reading, was a friend, a wife and sister. It was AMAZING!! I thrived on it! Yes, I did get burnt out, yes I did get overwhelmed, but it was me, it was how I thrived. I enjoyed a challenge and trying to juggle/problem solve is my forte. Chalk it up to my alcoholic parent upbringing, or perhaps losing my mom at a young age and having to fend for myself. For some reason, the more that I had on my plate, the more that I seemed to rise to the occasion.
I loved being a mom. I never anticipated how much it would change me and my priorities. I struggled so much with what was important-being home or going after what I wanted at work. I struggled with my identity. All of this aside, I loved being a mom. I loved the chaos of the kids, the constant noise and mess. The happiness, there was so much laughter. There was so much love.