Day 4 – Now

Continuing with my ‘Capture Your Grief’

Now, it’s hard to be honest with myself.  Who have I become?  Who is this person?  I’m still out of work.  I now have a 5 year old to juggle-Only a 5 year old.  I only drive short distances.  When I read, I usually cannot finish the book because I become distracted, or maybe I just don’t like endings.  I don’t sleep at night, even though I’m exhausted.  I’m terrified of meeting new people, scared of being asked how many children I have.  I binge watch Netflix sometimes just to have something to do.  People have disappeared, my social circle is small.

My life is small.  I am small.  I am broken.  My after is filled with small family pictures and and an overwhelming feeling that I have make things ‘ok’ for everyone else.

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My after is also filled with love and lot’s of it.  Love and support that I never imagined possible.  Complete strangers raised a lot of money for my family to make our lives easier.  Friends reached out to everyone they knew and the community of Worcester surrounded us in their love.  The Greg Hill Foundation raised money for us.  We have become involved in their events.  I have found so many grieving mothers that have opened their arms and hearts to me.  I have learned that people are genuinely good.  I saw the best side of humanity. I am able to make the best of any situation.

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One thought on “Day 4 – Now”

  1. Maybe small living is what you really need right now. Benny was small and look at all the life he lived in his time here.. Maybe he’s working on you:)

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