For someone that doesn’t have a whole ton of religious faith, but believes in something greater, this speaks to me. I never stopped begging God, my mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends in heaven to save Benny during the ambulance ride. Parker I didn’t speak, I just begged and begged over and over. Bennett wasn’t saved, there was no miracle. We were left to try to figure this out on our own. Randomness is 100% correct, that is the only way I can wrap my head around any of what happened. ‘I’ll pray for you’ is often said to us, and I do appreciate the thought, the sentiment behind it, but I know first hand that it cannot change what we’ve been through. What makes me truly angry are the ‘everything happens for a reason’ people. Screw you and your platitudes, if it were your child, I doubt that you could understand and accept that so easily.
I do try to remain positive and faith in something greater, but it’s a struggle. I’m able to look at the fact that I have Darcy and live for her. I am lucky to be married to the most amazing man, who never once placed any type of blame or regret on my shoulders and has done everything in his power to work with our family over the last year. These are great thing in my life, amazing things. They don’t change the fact that Bennett is gone and no amount of faith or prayer will ever bring him back. I miss him everyday.
After yesterday’s post, I saw several others that led to a related tangent. Clearly, others saw it too, as Gretchen so astutely commented, noting:
“Recently, there was an airplane that nearly crashed into a couple’s suburban bedroom. The owners were talking to reporters, saying something like “there were angels watching over us today”, and I thought, but what about the pilot and passengers who died? Did God forget about assigning them angels? I know it’s different than what is described in your post, but it seems to be the same thinking. People are so self-preserving and so accustomed to owing positive outcomes to strength, perseverance or God, that they simply cannot see the randomness of the world. Until it happens to THEM.”
A friend then sent me a link to this article, which she thought would resonate with me. It’s one woman’s reaction as to how it feels to…
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