CYG – Day 11

CYG – Day 11:  Glow in the Woods

This post is about sharing some resources that have aided in my healing journey.  After the accident (I feel like every post starts this way), I spent hours combing the internet looking for ‘others.’  I would stay up until 2-3 in the morning to find someone that I could relate to.  I would read website after website, blog after blog.  For some reason the books that were sent our way made it all seem too real.

Then I started blogging as an outlet for myself.  A few weeks into that I found that I could follow other bloggers journeys.  I would wait all day for someone to post something.  I found ‘my people,’ others on the journey.  I also found myself in a weird group.  Most of the other bloggers that I met had lost older, adult children or infants.  I didn’t know where I belonged, it was so hard to find someone in the middle like I was.  Nonetheless, we were able to relate to one another.  A community of strangers supporting one another blindly.  It made getting through the day much easier.  Once I shared my blog and put it all out there, it felt even better.  I’ve met other moms that are just beginning their journey and now they’re using my blog as a resource.  I certainly don’t have many answers, mostly questions, but if someone can relate, then I did the right thing by sharing.

We waited several months, but went to our first support group meeting.  It was overwhelming to say the least.  We sat in a room with at least 20+ other families that had lost children, mostly adult children to suicide and addiction.  We felt like we didn’t belong and it was so hard hearing all of the stories.  We ended up switching to a smaller support group closer to home with my friend Sue.  After being there for the first few minutes I could breathe and relax.  These were our people.  Amazing, supportive people that had also lost children, but were so relatable.  I think we laugh more than we cry when we meet because we see life as a gift and our time with our children as such as well.  I feel very lucky to have met these amazing, strong women.

My sister called a few weeks after the accident in a panick.  She had a friend who was a grief counselor and had warned my sister that we needed to start seeing someone ASAP.  We got our therapists contact info from the pastor that did Benny’s services.  I just remember that first meeting, where she gave us the option to counsel us for couples, counsel one of us, or counsel both of us and as a couple (which is rare).  We both left there feeling like she was ‘the one.’  So we both spent the next two years working with her individually and as a couple.  Having that outlet was a huge help in coping with Benny’s death and enabled us to grow together as a couple, instead of apart, which happens so often.  Our therapist was also instrumental in helping us find Darcy’s therapist, that we were equally happy with.

I’ve talked about it a million times, but the Greg Hill Foundation really helped us.  Suddenly we were thrown in with other families that had suffered tragedy, Boston Marathon Bombing Survivors and everyone was so positive.  It’s an amazing family to be a part of.  It helped me to feel like less of a victim and less alone.

We’ve been very fortunate to have so many resources and great people in our lives pulling for us.

Author: sheriroaf

Sheri Roaf is the mother of four wonderful children who turned to blogging after her 17 month old son Bennett passed away unexpectedly. Through her writing she has found a way to help herself and her family move forward in the face of tragedy.

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