This is so very true. As a mom I put a whole ton of pressure on myself to do ‘all the things.’ All the time. It’s exhausting.
My brain is constantly swirling with my to do’s for work, for home, for my kids and sometimes even myself. I often joke that my brain looks like an internet browser with 30+ tabs open. Because, well, life. And that is a lot. All of the time.
Sometimes when you’re running like that all of the time you forget that you can stop. The Earth will not stop spinning and fall off its axis. Your to do list will still be there tomorrow.
When Benny died, the world paused for me. Those to do’s suddenly disappeared. Everything just stopped, it was almost as if time stood still. All of a sudden I wasn’t running, hell I was barely crawling.
Me, who always had a plan always knew the next step, had nothing in my sights. I was injured so I figured I’d be home for a few weeks from work. Well, a few weeks turned into a few months and then a year, and then a decision to leave my career. I walked away from a job I loved with people I adored. And it took me a year to come to that conclusion.
I didn’t drive for about four months after the accident. I couldn’t handle the responsibility of being in control of a motor vehicle, even though we were hit outside of my car. It all seemed like too much. It took me about 18 months before I would drive longer than a half hour. I still won’t go longer than an hour or two by myself in the car. And I used to sit in my car from 3-5 hours a day at my old job.
What’s my point? Be kind to yourself. Grief takes time, so take time for grief. You do not have to figure it all out today. One of the best pieces of advice we were given was to not make any big decisions / life changes during that first year. It may not work for all but it worked for us. It gave me a chance to get my footing back and decide what was next for us so that we could start walking towards what the future held.
Sunshine, Angels and Rainbows 
Ah ha! Now I know why that “She believed that she could, so she did” saying has always bothered me. It’s because it seems way too demanding for this mamma! The pausing of time, it’s so sad, only seems to come during trying or tragic times. The flu, a death, loss of a job, they all cause us to have no choice but to slow down. I wish I could say having a baby did, but you know, we try to do it all even a few days after giving birth. I’ve been put on ‘light duty’ until I get my heart procedure, and it’s forced me to slow down and also realize the world will still be turning with me, doing nothing, on it. I am so grateful for your advice this morning, because sometimes I sit and try to figure it all out right now. My youngest just started Kindergarten and I only work about 2 days a week. The world is wide open to me, what will I do with my time? And yet right now I can’t decide that. I might not ever have the full energy I did in my 20s and 30s even after this procedure. I might not be able to teach again like I’ve thought, so then what will I do? I might not even want to work full time, but right now I don’t have to figure that out. I think I’ll give it a year. I needed this this morning! Thank you!
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It’s a hard concept to swallow when you’re so used to being cruise director for everyone. Be kind to yourself and what you’re going through. And I’m always here. ❤️
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